Getting crazyyyy

I've been back on campus for only a month now, but so much as happened already. Aside from the chaos of classes, there's the stress that comes with being involved with campus organizations. Though I feel as though it's not more than I have been able to handle in the past, at times I feel completely overwhelmed, and it even got to the point of me breaking down, which is silly, seeing how there's only a 5% chance that I will remember it within the next 4 hours.

Between deliberations x2 and a new set of classes (no psychology classes-why?!), I find myself with no time to enjoy myself. I remember the days that I could just chill on the steps and chat with people. I suppose the fact that there are less and less people that I could do that with, along with the fact that I find myself constantly running around, or doing work plays a part...but I was definitely more involved in more things last year, so I'm confused as to why I feel like I have no time to enjoy myself...Am I just failing at time management this year? I guess the whole reading and interpreting and writing about it in classes kind of threw me off...and I'm still not completely acclimated to it, and seeing myself struggle really upsets me. And the whole tension in the room during deliberations just messes with my overall mood and motivation as well, and I just want to scream into the Tarako mountains.

I think I just need to do some soul searching now...I don't think it's a matter of prioritizing better-I think I'm set in that aspect...or am I? I don't even know anymore. Stress x a gazillion!

We're just waiting on a world to change...or not

Personally (no offense John Mayer), I'm not sure how thrilling change. It appears to me (particularly this summer) that change is a powerful thing that can completely darken one's mood within a matter of seconds once the anticipation of change starts to take effect. Though I would not call myself a creature of habit, I do feel that it takes me a while to fully embrace a new environment, and when I start being able to expect y as a result of x, when that no longer happens, I feel quite uneasy. However, there are certain exceptions, namely times when in a new environment, I completely immerse myself in something (i.e. program) that I have no time to think about the big change, and I have no choice but to keep moving forward.

Take travel for instance. Though I do love my traveling, without fail it seems, before any huge trip, I get very very very upset, particularly when I am leaving the comfort of my own home. However, as soon as I arrive at my destination (more like as my plane is about to land and I no longer see water, but land!), I become caught up in the moment, and can't wait to start a new adventure. Homecoming then becomes an issue, as I can't wait to be back in my own bed, own bathroom, without ever really having to be afraid of being idle, yet feel nostalgic for the trip even before it has ended.

Looking back on today (the day before I leave for college), I realized that my foul mood can be a hundred percent attributed to the upcoming change (what else can upset someone who is home alone, doing little else than packing?). But then again, I have so much that I look forward to, and I can't wait to be busy again (does that make me some kind of masochist?)

*sigh still pretty awful at writing my thoughts out....they come and go so easily...and so out of order too...

on a side note, hideki matsui is my hero.

Snake Alley, stone fish, rice patties, and a gorge

So maybe I wasn't as good at updating this as I had originally hoped. But I attribute that 100% to the facts that our days are basically crammed with activities from 8 am (ish) - night (after dinner or so) and the fact that I find myself socializing every night with people instead.

It has officially passed the halfway mark of the trip, and i definitely did not update anything about this particular episode of my journey. instead of writing in one big post, i'll do it by segments.

Day 1
Truth be told, I was kind of nervous about this trip. I wouldn't say that it's a commonly known fact, but for those of you that don't know, I actually have little faith in myself when it comes to making close friends, particularly in a short period of time. I'm significantly better at breaking the ice by being awkward and usually looking stupid, which I suppose is fine with me. But I ended up volunteering to be team leader (I think it's good for me...I'm learning a lot!) , which probably helped me make myself known to not only my group, but the counselors and other people (I have to take a head count at least 7 times a day, no exaggeration).

By the end of the first day, I had met tons of people that were from all of these exotic (relative to America) places, such as Paris, Germany, Vietnam, Malaysia, Brazil, the Dominican Republic, Paraguay, New Zealand, the Netherlands, Canada...and the rest are from the US.

Day 2
After some visits to some governmental offices (including OCAC, the people sponsoring our trip, and the legislative Yuan), and at night, my group had an epic adventure down Snake Alley, which apparently used to be the Red District back in the day (how fascinating!). This trip was super stressful for my stomach, to say the least, because as we were walking down the alley, checking out the venues (because this girl had said that she wanted to try snake), there were displays of animals that I would never want to see eaten (including mice, snake, and a turtle-like animal). We ended up choosing the one with the mice and snakes in the front (live, mind you!) and eventually, after much looks of digust, everyone except me ended up trying the snake in some form or another (there was also snake blood, bile, venom, and 3 others). It was disgusting yet admirable at the same time....

We arrived back at the hotel to hit our "curfew" (meaning the time we were supposed to meet up and in group meetings)...which was a meh...we had to discuss our video, which at that point was still a very vague discussion. but then after was the night that set the tone for the rest of the trip (including the theme of "willy's birthday club"). one group had gone out to ximending, and as the meetings slowly dispersed, i believe one of the guys from england asked if we wanted to meet up with some of the ximending people and head to a bar. I thought, why not? This trip is all about networking and trying new things wasn't it? We ended up at this hookah lounge called "'The Bed," where we did some bhangra, learned some new Taiwanese drinking games, sang some britney, and just chatted. It was our friend Willy's birthday, but he didn't come with us...but we still toasted to him-and thus, from that day on, we were all members of Willy's birthday club.

Scenes from a Taiwanese Rooftop

After I accompanied my grandfather on his daily morning walk at 5 am in Guting Riverside Park (right across the street), we went upstairs (as part of his daily routine) to check up on the status of the apartment that they're building next to ours. He told me that he checks up on the status of the building everyday, which allows him to see how much time is left before their view of Taipei city is completely taken over by a view of their neighbor's kitchen. This made me determined to document the unique view before it was completely obliterated.

The results of my attempt to chase a sunrise while my jetlag is still in effect (for some reason they're in reverse chronological order)...

As good as my rooftop adventure-chase for the sun-gets

I couldn't find the sun-somewhere between the passing of the gray clouds, the sun disappeared behind the white clouds

View of Taipei 縣

View of Yong He, across the river

Here comes the storm?

Taipei 101. Clouds due to typhoon

Phase I: Traveling

Traveling is tiring. Props to those people who constantly travel/travel a lot! It's actually really stressful (particularly to those individuals who like to be in control-you have basically zero control when it comes to airlines in particular) because you never know when something is going to happen (yes, even for take-off times, which makes me angry!). Also, you never know what kind of people will surround you on the plane/sit next to you. To my dismay, I got an elbower next to me (needs a lot of space during sleep, and consequently occupies half my seat with his elbows. But I also shouldn't complain because my seating situation is actually not too shabby, and I feel like it'll be a lot worse on the way back, as seems to be the case (whenever you think it's bad, it just gets worse on the way back-baby puking on me=case in point). But thanks to my plane letter writers! It actually took me an hour and half to finish all the plane letters-there was some legit stuff in there!!! As per usual, I was moved and entertained throughout the letters, and I was never really one to hide such emotions (mostly due to the fact that it's hard for me to contain myself), and as a result, I think the guy next to me has dubbed me insane and bipolar.

So I've decided to start updating this more (at first because someone very important to me told me a blog is lame if you don't update it, but now because that same person pointed out that blogging is a good way to share your adventures with those back home-so thanks for being so wise, 屁股臉!), so keep an eye out!!! =)

it's about time!

I finally got the itinerary for Taiwan, and looking at it makes me pretty amped! (I can't believe I just used the word "amped!") But that brings me to another resolution...

Resolution: get absolutely fit enough for summer (aka bathing suit-worthy) before I arrive in Taiwan (I'm also sure I'll be eatings LOADS of food there!)

random thoughts

so everyone that's visited my blog has commented on how outrageously pink it is. so i've toned it down a little.

as i no longer make new years resolutions, i've decided to make monthly resolutions, as they're smaller in scale (therefore, a lot more possible to accomplish), and i'm more likely to remember them.

Resolution of the month: Maintain cleanliness for extended periods of time.

I'd say I'm doing a pretty good job with that so far, so pat on the back for me.

After having finished watching Hana Yori Dango, I've had a lot of epiphanies about relationships. But those I'll keep to myself for now. I still can't fully articulate them. But after having finished watching Starlit, I did make a few self resolutions that I did not go through with. Probably because I never wrote them down and just straight-up forgot them. So they shall commence next month!

I'll be heading to Taiwan next month (July 7, to be exact). Everyone is saying "Ah so much fun!" or "I'm so jealous!" But for me it's kinda bittersweet. I feel like for the past three summers, all I have been doing is going back, and kinda chilling...not being super productive and all. Meanwhile, everyone else back home is busy with research/internships/jobs...stuff that advances their lives. Not to say that my being in Taiwan and my experiences doesn't advance my life..but I'm pretty much straight-up enjoying myself. Am I supposed to be? And I guess I'm kind of disappointed about the fact that I had to pick between three programs that I really wanted to do...though I was told that I could probably do both the Taiwan programs. Having been really excited about the other two programs that I had to turn down (one being the AID teaching program, something that I've been looking forward to ever since I was in high school), I had pretty high expectations about this program that I'm doing. But it sure has let me down, seeing how it's pretty much a month away, and I still don't have any idea what I'm going to be doing, or even what the purpose of the program is. I understand that it's only in its second year, but that doesn't mean that they can be this disorganized...it is a government run program after all. Or so I'm under the impression that it is. This was supposed to be the most "elite" program out of all three (as it requires a recommendation-it's not even publicized, and the English name is "Outstanding College Student Program" or something like that). But so far, it's been the biggest let-down. Probably reason for my being a brat about going back for so long. But that's not an excuse. I made the choice to go back to Taiwan for the past few years, and I've ended up enjoying myself. I'm just really unhappy about this "everything-is-up-in-the-air" thing. BLAH.

But I feel a lot more at ease, having physically typed it out and gotten it out of my system. Maybe the studies done i social psychology about diary studies weren't all that useless!